I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
