There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need a beard to bite.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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