yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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