My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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