So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
