Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
