Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
