I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
