My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
