just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
