i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My ass is underappreciated
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize