so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
