Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize