Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize