Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
