So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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