I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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