You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize