I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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