seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
