omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
