If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want her autograph on my taint
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
