I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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