I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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