Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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