i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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