Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
