how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
