can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
