well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
