It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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