Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
