i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
