I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
