I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
