Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
