I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
