I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
