How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
