You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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