Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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