Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize