Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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