Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
