I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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