I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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