He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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