I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
