Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Someone signed my nipple.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
