oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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