stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize