How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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