I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
