Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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