You were right. It hurts to walk today.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
