I wish I could punch you in the face.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
