I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
