Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
