You're my little dorito
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I love you.
Bad choice
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
