I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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