it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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