Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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