Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize