I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize