White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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