my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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