so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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