do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
