glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
