I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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