Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i love accidental penises.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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