I could have mohawked her pubes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my shit smells like andre
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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