You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
