i just wanna soil my oats bro
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize