So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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