There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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