Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
