my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Two words: blizzard sex
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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