So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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